So I just kind of snapped out of it and said ‘Because I made myself beautiful, because I felt like if I was attractive at all it was only because I had a nose job, or wore a lot of makeup, or something like that, because that’s how being with Hef made me feel. " data-reactid="42"How did you get out of that negative mindset?
It definitely took a long time to get out of it because I was in the mansion for so long.
But soon after she arrived in Hollywood, at age 22, her life took a detour when she met Hefner, the “notoriously lecherous 70-something old man who offered me Quaaludes that he referred to as ‘thigh openers.’” It’s a moment, Madison, now 35 wishes she could do over. ” she writes in her revealing new memoir Down the Rabbit Hole. ” " data-reactid="28"When it comes to empowerment stories, you might not expect one to start in the Playboy Mansion, but Holly Madison’s does.
Sara Bliss: I love that you are definitely not holding anything back in your new book.
What made you want to lay everything out on the table?
It was all designed to have the women looking like clones—platinum blonde, booby, with perky “baby” features.
When Madison tried to assert some individuality and cut her hair into a bob and wear red lipstick, Hefner told her she “looked old, hard, and cheap.” The experience made her feel “beyond ugly…maybe I was just the homely girl who was ‘lucky’ enough for Hef to allow into the mansion.” Dancing with the Stars, and has plans to write a second book. She is also now married with a daughter, and describes her life now as “balanced and happy.” But Madison doesn’t want women to see marriage as her fairytale ending.