“Be upfront that ‘I’m a professional woman, this is what I want, this is who I am.And I don’t want to have kids, but I do want someone to share my life with.'”He points out that finding a partner can depend on time, location, and even the economic climate.“I think with time she’ll find someone,” he encourages. She’s ditched Match and e Harmony and has moved on to Zoosk’s i Phone app. After I email her Garcia’s thoughts, she writes back:“With the societal pressure to procreate and mankind’s innate desire leave a legacy, I understand that I may not find someone.I couldn’t find any statistics for the US, but in Norway about 25% of men never have kids while percentage of childless women is much lower.Historically, nearly always a higher percentage of women have kids than men do.“So that might mean something like living together, having kids together, or maybe getting married, maybe getting bank accounts together.Things that say, ‘We’re a family, we’re a unit.'”I contacted Garcia because the survey results show that in many ways, heterosexual single Americans now blur societal gender lines in respect to dating, love, and marriage.When it comes to meeting men, Jane faces a bit of a challenge.You’d think she’d have no problem finding a boyfriend. She’s even a bit nerdy (face it, nerdiness is hot).
A couple days after talking to Jane, I call Justin Garcia, SUNY Fellow with the Laboratory of Evolutionary Anthropology and Health at Binghamton (NY) University.What’s keeping Jane from finding that special long-term someone? She had her tubes tied six months ago.“My dolls were friends, not babies,” she laughs over the phone one rainy afternoon. (And no, Facebook friends, Jane isn’t her real name, so don’t try stalking her.) We’ve talked before about her finding guys who don’t want kids.It turns out that besides yours truly, she knows only one other man who isn’t into the whole babies thing.“I would have thought it would be very easy to find a man who did not want children,” she sighs.One particular result seemed relevant to Jane’s case: more men (24 percent) than women (15 percent) want kids. The cost of raising a child, for example, can be daunting in today’s economy. “It’s kind of a cultural importance, and it’s a biological imperative.”But there may be a deeper biological reason, too.“The realistic side of reproduction is that childbearing is a much bigger toll on women,” he explains.But how we live our lives has changed dramatically compared to our ancestors.“Today, unlike ever before, we can live an incredibly long time,” he says. “Women alone have parental certainty and the biggest brunt of reproduction.